Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
