At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
