Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
