My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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