What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
