dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
