Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
