So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
