i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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