I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
