I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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