True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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