Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
