Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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