I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
