I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
