Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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