Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
