Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
