I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
