It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
