The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
