I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
