I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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