the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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