I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
