Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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