Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
