Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
4 words: hood of his car
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
