He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
