Your face is a jimmy john
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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