I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
