My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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