I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
