I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
