They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
