Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize