I just made out with a guy for $7.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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