And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
