I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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