Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
