How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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