Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
