when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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