I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
