I'm really into asian looking animals
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
