I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize