I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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