Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
