my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize