So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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