If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize