I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
