She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
