I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
