I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
