I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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