You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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