Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
