he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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