i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
