i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
