i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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