he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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