I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
