ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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