I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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